Things we should have have jumped on AKA what am I doing with my life!?!?!?

I like to think of myself as an independent woman who you you can throw your hands up at all day everyday. Who needs a man when you have a roommate you can act like a total fool with right? Wrong. It seems that my acting like an un-oppertunistic fool has me in a place that leaves me grunting like cavewomen over my life as we know it.  Let's be real here for a second.  

Here I am sitting in my dorm room on a gloomy Saturday night contemplating my life and how it is in shambles. Let's get one thing straight: I'm an idiot. I am continuously neglecting opportunities that have the chance to turn my hot mess of a life around. For example, last night whilst chaperoning Emily and two matching Asians in a Mizzou jersey and pink bow in my hair I was asked by a nice man at FarmHouse if i was a cheerleader. I was in fact a cheerleader in high school, but idiotically I was like "Nah dude, I was just too lazy to change after the game." WHAT THE FUCK. What am I doing with my life? I should have been like "OMG YEA! Go Tigers! Giggle giggle!" And then undeniably bangin' FarmHouse guy would have been all "Sweet, lets be friends, be more than friends, get married and have beautiful children that look like our adorable selves." And thats how things would have gone had my head not been in my ass. 

So yeah. My life is a joke and I am constantly passing up opportunities to be a badass. Such as the multiple times at the gym when cute gym boys asked the both of us if we played sports in high school (i.e. rowing or basketball). Instead of bashfully smiling and confessing the only sport I played in high school was a year of golf and four years of yelling at idiotic freshman, I should have lied through my teeth an been all "OF COURSE I ran track in high school. I was a goddamn state medal winner who broke the sound barrier I ran so fucking fast!' Hell, I could have passed as a girls field hockey player. I could have at least said something than "Nah dude, Im just a poser who makes a complete and total ass of herself when ever she shows her face at this here gym." My life is in shambles.

And while on the topic of passing up prime opportunities in finding me a husband that will put up with my weird-ass self, I blame Emily for this one.  Today, she encountered a dude who just happened to be speaking my personal favorite words as she passed by: "I'm single and rich". REALLY. REALLY. How could she not whip her head around and be all "Hold up dude, my roommate Liz is really into single rich guys, you should meet her!" and then send him my way.  After hearing of this, I learned he was potentially from the East coast as well as being in a frat. These are the issues that I have in life. Single rich guys never seem to confess that to me and decide to hide during daylight hours. For fucks sake, show your face to the world.  Some of us need a pick-me-up.