Adventures with Emily and Liz: Bop to the Top

Let's face it. Team NonSluts is a dancing sensation just waiting to sweep the country. We break it down everywhere we go, including but not limited to sorority formal functions, classes at the gym, even in our own dorm room to the greatest musical of modern times: High School Musical.  Because of this, it's only a matter of time until some retired Toddlers and Tiaras stage mom scouts us out when we are breaking it down in the line at Starbucks after our 8am Econ class. This is how we imagine our invitation to fame will go down:

TeamNonSluts (step touching, obviously) : " I'm starting with the man in the mirror!"
Toddlers and Tiaras Mom: Weee doggies! Ya'll are the dandiest things I have ever seen other than that cutie pie Eden Wood. You know, from the TV. I mean just look at the accuracy of  ya'lls step touches!
TeamNonSluts (breaking out in to jazz squares): We work out.
Toddlers and Tiaras: Ya'll could make millions with those crazy dancing moves. I'm calling my agent right now to set ya'll up with a talent agency.
TeamNonSluts: Bitchin. You wanna see our routine to "What I've Been Looking For?" We can tap dance. No big.
Toddlers and Tiaras: (babbling on cell phone) TAMMY LEE! I have done found you the next big thang!
TeamNonSluts (to the people now glaring at us in line): Don't hate us cause we're beautiful.

Like that will ever happen. The likely course of our fame will start not at Starbucks,  but probably right before it when were are singing and dancing in our Econ lecture class to the Hall and Oates classic"You Make My Dreams."Someone will be all:"These chicks light up my life, they should have a class at the rec!" And then we're all:"Challenge accepted."

Obviously since the aforementioned person works at the rec center, they will be able to set us up with our own cardio dance class: Booty Bouncin' with Liz and Emily. The class, centered around jazz squares and the music of Grease, High School Musical and Enchanted, will be the dream of any show choir alumni.  Once the class is established as a campus must-have, some lowly fraternity pledge will be hired to help us accomplish our real goal: Being Ellen DeGeneres.

Get your head out of the gutter, TeamNonSluts do not identify themselves as lesbians (we love bacon, remember!), but more the type who need someone to start their day by blasting some Top 20 hits in to our morning. Said pledge will no longer be referred to as pledge, but Boom Box Man, and his sole purpose will be to follow us around with a boom box on his shoulder blasting our favorite songs. Also, boom box man will be responsible for finding us a lifelong DJ to help us start up Cedric Diggory's Left Nipple,  central Missouri's greatest female DJ-ing duo.  Between our rec center class and CDLN,  Team NonSluts will reach local dance superstar status, and it won't be long before the rest of the country catches on. Let's face it: We're beautiful, hilarious and stuffed to the brim with talent and after being shot in to fame, we'll be on the cover of People Magazine and hobnobbing with Ryan Gosling in no time.

So, that is our plan for bopping to the top. We're breaking free from societal norms because we finally found what we've been looking for/ have needed our entire fucking lives: Constant background music and the constant attention of adoring fans.  TeamNonSluts is now in the market for a boom box man. See previous requirements for band members, but keep in mind that we look highly upon bitching 'fros. This will make our dreams come true. Ooooh-oohhhh.

We haven't gone to the gym in 3 weeks.

Boats N' Hoes. Why Are We Such Old Women? First Blog of the New Year.

Welcome to the official end of the world. We here at Team NonSluts are preparing for this exciting event by transforming our comfy cozy dorm into a cave of little to no social means. No social points. No fucks given. We're talking headphones in, both of us tucked away in our beds watching consecutive episodes of Greek and Gilmore Girls, and the only light source in the room coming from the ominous glow of our laptop screens. First world problems. And let's be real here for a second. We're hot and we're sitting in our door room wasting our lives. What have our lives come to? Now don't get me wrong. We are beyond stoked to be back in the middle of a cornfield known as central MO but what we did not count on was the fact that there is no one here and nothing to do on a Saturday night. LAME. I so do not approve of these life choices.

Anywho, this is the inaugural post for 2012. Look forward to a whole lotta crazy coming from this never ending wave of awesome. NONSLUTS OUT.

There's a child in our hallway. It's like on Smart Guy. GO HOME ROGER. Liz stalks Kris Humphries' family and washed up child stars. She's mumbling to herself.

@ghettohikes "Hey yo Demetrius, free pine cones."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET, FUCKER!

Team Non Sluts: Now Bilingual!

Team Non Sluts is not only worldwide, but minority friendly as well. Because of this, this bifecta figured it was about time that we went bilingual. Thats right, the chicks in room 162 will now be throwing around phrases in our second language: French. Oui Oui! J'aime a parler en francais avec ma colocataire! Bibliotheque! Elle est un ordinateur laid! Jambon! Pourquoi je porte des pantalons?! Je deteste pantalons!

But seriously though, it's finals week and we are so fucked. We hate to study(as you can tell by the quality of posts like this). So, we find it far to necessary to use phrases like this on a daily basis: Tant piss! Je suis dans la merde!

Figure that one out for yourself. Bifecta is now bilingual and therefore are no longer translating for the randos in Russia or Germany. Au revoir!

Packing Drinking Game

So here's the deal. We hate to pack. And recently our lives have been consumed by packing and going and coming and forgetting things and making lists and overall a severe discontent with the fact that we are required by our schools and our families to move our shit around so much. We are girls and thus require a lot of stuff in our lives/on our persons so going home for the weekend much less for a whole month requires a caravan and a half in order to sufficiently take everything with us. And we hate getting that amount of shit together so we have come with an idea to help us get through the process.

Packing Drinking Game. You make a list of all the things you need to pack and take a shot after you have packed ten to fifteen items on your list (depending on how hammered you intend on becoming). It's brilliant and gives us incentive to want to pack.

"So i was thinking in the bathroom. Cuz that's what I do. All day. Everyday.".... You are witnessing evolution ladies and gents.

We didn't even get the largest mealplan.

Randos of the Day

1. We found out that our names are sexy (Emily is #4 and Elizabeth is #10 on top ten sexiest names ever). Unsurprising.
2. Running and sliding in socks on the floor of the student center is just as fun as it sounds.
3. Asians carry chap stick not chopsticks in their purses.... well actually....
4. Liz has a beef with moles
5. We need to learn how to make paper cranes